This post was originally published on July 23, 2017
The latest update to this post was made 5 years ago.
Watch For These 7 Pitfalls On A First Date
Dating has evolved to more elaborate destinations than just dinner and a movie. Clever dates, meant to impress someone, take time, money and dedication. The time devoted to planning these dates can be ruined with one movement, thought or forgotten detail leaving the planner feeling defeated. Avoiding these simple pitfalls can ensure a great first date.
Politics should be left out of any and all conversations. If your conversation comes to a lull, do not worry; it is okay to have some silence during your date. Silence during your date gives each person time to digest what is going on and being said which in turn, allows you to properly communicate. This communication will open many doors to future dates. Politics are often one-sided and unless you both divulged your political allegiance on your dating profile it should not be discussed, at least on the first date. Should you decide to go down this road anyway, discussing politics when you both are on the same side should still be kept positive. Do not weigh down the mood with deep political views and make the date about a political viewpoint. When you find yourself falling down the political rabbit hole, words of advice: quickly laugh and change the subject!
Dates are all about getting to know each other. Exes will be discussed and this is a fact, but too much information could be deadly to a new relationship. A simple, it did not work out, is sufficient for a first date. The other person may try and get you to discuss more of your ex because of a conversation lull or because they are bored. Politely change the subject and avoid too much ex talk whether positive or negative. It is not uncommon to get caught up in the my ex is worse than yours conversation during the first date. Avoid this type of talk at all costs. Too much ex talk will likely not lead to a second date.
Daters young or old should not discuss their children too much. Giving a small amount of information, nothing too personal, is fine, but do not give details, schedules or personal information out to anyone on a first date! Single parents must be very careful when dating because of predators who seek out single parents to gain access to their children… Yes, this sounds a bit extreme, but unfortunately is not, due to today’s society. Dating profiles should disclose if you have children and if you did not disclose this information then the first date is a good place to be honest. Just understand that leaving that information off your profile and then exposing it on a first date, more than likely there will be no second date. Always disclose information like this in your profile as it will save all involved any effort and hurt feelings. Do not spend your time discussing grandchildren either. First dates are a time to learn about each other not grandchildren. If things go well, there will be plenty of time later to discuss this.
Spending money like you have an unlimited supply will not impress many. Someone who is impressed by the amount of spending during a date, will soon be unimpressed when the spending does not continue. Honesty is always best when trying to build a strong relationship that will continue and not fade after a few dates. Dinner and a movie are standard first dates. People have many interests and with a good clear understandable dating profile, you can create a fun interesting first date. Find that common ground and create a date that will allow for you both to communicate and learn about each other! For example; you both enjoy cooking, so you could participate in a cooking class. This is not too over the top expensive and you both can communicate while cooking and eating. Cooking class also gives you something to discuss so you can avoid some of the undesired conversations that may pop up because of nervousness.
Dates are not a place for you get your therapy. Health issues should not be discussed at all during a first date unless you need to disclose an allergy. For example; you are allergic to garlic and your date wants to order an appetizer that has garlic. Discussing operations, dental issues, doctor’s visits, upcoming doctor’s visits or treatments are killers of first dates. Keep the conversation light and get to know each other for a true connection that can lead to other dates. Health issues can make another person sympathize but a first date is not a therapy session.
Technology probably helped you get the first date, but this does not mean it needs to be part of your date! People are too connected to technology period. Date time should be a time for you to communicate with the other person and not check your phone for status updates, missed calls, messages or texting. Many people do not realize how connected to their technology until they are forced to put it away. Invest the time and energy into your first date in the form of communication without the technology even if you both indicated you loved technology. People will spend time showing each other different things on their phones but save this for a later date.
Invest the time in getting ready for your date, even simple grooming should not be overlooked for any reason. Men that have beards should have them trimmed, neat and clean. Wrinkled or torn clothing send a message that you do not care and are reckless. Brush your teeth, floss and use mouthwash. First dates should also avoid foods heavy in garlic or other known spices to give breath a foul odor – if this is a must on the date, carry some gum to help break the odor up. Communication is difficult with someone who has offensive breath. Nerves run high on first dates so make sure you wear a good deodorant. Smelly people … not fun.
Avoiding these seven pitfalls during a first date can increase your chances of a second date and a future strong relationship. Open communication is the key to keeping someone interested and avoiding hardships. Clear open communication can decrease misunderstandings and unrealistic expectations. Be honest in your dating profiles and have fun!